Saturday, January 8, 2011

Dot not Feather

My next date seemed promising.  We chatted well over IM and he seemed to be a creative date-planner.  Now, after the recent epic fails that you've read about in my previous posts, I was a little gun-shy about going on a full-on first date with this next guy.  He suggested a picnic for our date and seemed opposed to the idea of just getting coffee or a drink on our first meeting so we decided to grab coffee and then drive somewhere for the picnic afterwards.  I asked him if there was anything I could bring for the picnic and he said that he had it all covered.  

DNF picked me up from my house (again, NOT a good idea, but we all live and learn) in his car (read: penis extension) and one of the first things out of his mouth was how he thought I would look better with long hair.  Wow.  Thanks for the unsolicited advice!  This is going to be a loooooong day.  Sigh.

So, I took us to south park where I assumed we could get a coffee somewhere and then talk a little.  For some reason I totally spaced that it was Memorial Day and nothing would be open.  Oops!  We decided to just stay in south park and have our little picnic there.  To my dismay, this is what my date though a "picnic" entailed:
-1 box of crackers.
-1 package of pre-sliced cheese from Safeway.
-4 bottles of wine.

Hmmm... let's take a step back and see what kind of message we are sending, boys!  There's  no way this can get any worse, right?  Wrong!  It turns out, DNF has decided that antagonizing+rudeness=flirting.  He repetitively attacks me with "Oh, you're getting me confused with all of these other guys you're dating" every time I ask him a question or don't have his entire profile committed to memory.  He then moves on to "Oh, you're not listening" when I ask him a question about what university he went to.  At one point I had to put my foot down and say "Look, I don't need this, I can just walk home from here" for him to smarten up and stop being such a freak.  We made it through one bottle of wine and I'm wonder "how does he think this is going well at all???" when he tries to open the second bottle.

I get him to drive me home and the SOB has the nerve to ask if he can kiss me when he gets to my place.  All I could do was give him and incredulous look and get out of the car.  Would it be too much to ask for a date that is not completely socially retarded?

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