Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The 40 Year Old Virgin

This was one of those times when the red flags were stacking up but you decided to ignore them and the "nice girl" inside got the upper hand...

I met The 40 Year Old Virgin on plenty of fish.  For those of you who haven't visited this shit-box they call a website, picture the internet equivalent of monkeys throwing feces at a fence, the worst part of which, is the photo quality.  Now, I'd like to think I'm pretty open minded when it comes to physical attraction (I don't really have a type) but with this particular website, you often don't know what you're going to get.

The Virgin and I emailed a few times and then moved to talking on the phone.  While his restaurant choices for our upcoming date included Red Lobster and The Elephant Bar, I tried not to judge.  When he called me soon after hanging up from a call a few days before our first date, I was disappointed to learn that the reason for the call-back was to make sure it didn't "freak me out" when he had told me that he wanted to "settle down soon" in our previous conversation.  Now, I didn't really remember that he had said that but NOW I'm freaked out.  Against my better judgement I went ahead with the date.

We met at a semi-trendy Mexican-ish restaurant in Oakland.  To my dismay, he looked his age (38 and the top of my range) and clearly does not exercise as much as advertised.  We sit down and start talking (and by we, I mean HE starts talking).  I hear all about his mind-numbing job, his house in Hayward and how much is house payments are, and how he's such a great guy because he helps out his family financiall.  By helping out I mean that he allows his sister to be his MAID to make some extra money.  Amongst the scintillating conversation, we manage to order food, which is difficult because "there's not enough meat" on the menu.  Um, why did you agree to meet me here then?  I imagine that working on a computer all day, you may have discovered little things like Google or Yelp?  FML.  Anyway, so in between hearing Mr. Wonderful alternate between talking about himself and how expensive the food is "for what you get" at the restaurant, he tells me how he often flakes on his dates but when he was just about to flake on ME, he looked back over my profile pictures and said to himself, "dude are you crazy??".  Lucky me.

Thankfully the check finally comes and he picks it up but I notice that he had totally stiffed the waitress on the tip.  Seriously big spender with your awesome job and minuscule house payments?  Way to round out a perfect evening.  I avoided the awkward walk to the car by saying that I was going to use the washroom after we had reached the front door of the restaurant, at which time I went back and gave the waitress some more cash.

If there's one thing that I learned from this guy it is to trust my gut.  It's called women's intuition for a reason!  If there are alarm bells ringing in your head girls, listen to them, trust me.

1 comment:

  1. I am glad you gave that waitress a better tip than that idiot.